Monday, October 29, 2007

Not a big Homer fan


As you can see from this picture, our cat Mr. T is not a big Homer Simpson fan. He managed to stay inside most of the weekend but he really didn't do much besides sleep. I on the other hand worked like a Dog. Notice no one ever says "worked like a cat" and for good reason. That would be slept like a cat.

I heard the other day about a dog that saved his owners life by waking him up when their house caught on fire. Later the investigation revealed that the fire was started by their cat knocking something over. This proves it, a dog really is mans best friend. Cats are mean.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Mystery solved

“The case of the evil refrigerator”

For months I have been dealing with a refrigerator that from time to time decided to ruin everything in it by slipping into a deep freeze mode. I have had to throw away tons of lettuce, tomatoes cucumbers and many other vegetables, not to mention other foods that just no longer looked appealing after being frozen by this evil machine. I was unable to figure this case out myself so I knew I needed to do something drastic. I decided to assume the identity of the greatest detective that ever lived. As a child I loved watching him on TV and knew he could get to the bottom of this case. I am now Charlie Chan.




Chan: Greetings kind people.

#1 Son: Look like open and shut case to me Pop. Just a faulty refrigerator.

Chan: Not so hasty #1. Why would refrigerator deliberately ruin food? End up in trash heap. Perhaps we start with suspects. They are:

Wife, #2 son, Mother in Law, Trusted neighbor Ann, Kitty cat

#1 Son: Ok Pop. Lets throw the book at Mom. She probably just wants a new refrigerator. Why not just buy a new one?

Chan: It is a new refrigerator #1. Confucius say. “life like poo sandwich. The more bread you have the less poo you get” Unfortunately, we have little bread and lots of poo. Need to find real guilty party.

#1 Son: Ok Pop how about Mother in Law? Why would she do this?

Chan: Sometimes Mother in Law need no reason. Confucius say: “Mother in law like unmarked thermometer. Sometimes leave bad taste in mouth” Not logical that she would do this.

#1 Son: Why not Pop?

Chan: Butter pecan ice cream by temperature knob not touched. Impossible situation.

Chan: Lets examine Trusted neighbor Ann.

#1 Son: Pop shouldn’t we leave that to a doctor?

Chan: Only figure of speech #1. May get doctor to determine if you really my son. Now pay attention. Ann possibly turn down thermostat to make food spoil then sell lots of wine to fill refrigerator, Make lots of money.

#1 Son: But Pop you don’t keep it long enough to need refrigeration.

Chan: Good point #1.

Chan: Kitty has motive. If food spoil, we throw out, then kitty gets to eat, .but not able to open door by self.

#1 Son: Maybe he got the other cats to help?

Chan: #1 your brain like soup sandwich. Good ingredients but really messy

Chan: That just leave #2 son.

#1 Son: But we questioned him and he said he didn’t touch the refrigerator control knob.

Chan: Lets ask again different way. #2 have you been adjusting the temperature knob in the refrigerator?

#2 Son: No Pop I swear.

Chan: So you didn’t touch any knobs at all on this refrigerator?

#2 Son: No Pop I didn’t touch the refrigerator knob (big pause) I only adjust the freezer knob down because someone keeps turning it back up.

Chan: What can I say but “Case solved”.

Ok I am back to normal now, if that is possible. I hope you liked my little journey back into TV land. Have a great day. Oh and for you youngsters, Charlie Chan and Jackie Chan are not the same person. :)

Greg

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

A visit from "The Man"

There I was last Saturday. Sitting at the flea market, quietly selling a few plants. Trying to make a little extra pocket change when who walked up.....The Man. You might also know him as "The system", "The Establishment" or some names I won't print here. He walked up, observed me making a few plant sales and then spoke. "Hello, I am from the South Carolina Department of Revenue" OOPS, Busted.

No I didn't get hauled off to jail but I did get a warning and now I have a license so the state can take taxes from the little bit I sell. Saturdays total is four dollars and ninety cents that I owe. It seems hardly worth the effort since there is a local man that "lost" over 5 million dollars and he is out on the street today. But I will do my part and pay my taxes but as a person once said. "I didn't know my fair share was going to be so much"

Now that I am a legal business, and the national debt will be paid with my taxes. I plan on starting a new blog simply devoted to that and show everyone what I sell. Oh and you will see a price increase of 7%. :) Have a nice day.

Greg