Monday, July 16, 2007

The truth about men

I hear a lot of women complaining about men these days. It seems that you are never satisfied with us and can always find some flaw in our character. I have some bad news for you though. We are what we are because of you. Anything you can find wrong with us can be traced back to you. You are the reason for our imperfections.

One big complaint that I hear is that men can’t distinguish between love and sex. That may be true but let’s look at the reason why. I can still remember my first time and remember it well. She was my girlfriend and I would buy her all kinds of things. Jewelry, clothes, give her money, whatever she wanted but the only way to get what I wanted (sex) was to say I Love you. See she made me associate love with sex so it is totally her fault. I know I am not alone in this thinking either.

I also hear women say that we (men) change over the course of a relationship. Well that is as untrue as it gets. The other day, I read an article that said the women look at a man for the first time and think “I can change him into what I want”. On the other hand a man looks at a woman for the first time and thinks “She is just what I am looking for” Men expect a woman not to change and she does and women expect for men to change and they don’t. In other words when women say that men change it means that they didn’t go thorough the metamorphosis that they planned and so they are different than they expected. It is all very complicated but I understand it fully.

Women are always accusing men of lying. This is true but women lie too and you all started it. Also you make us lye. Do you remember hearing that “not saying the truth is just as bad as lying”? In fact it is a form of lying. That is what you all did. Back when we first met, you knew what we wanted. You knew we would do anything to get it. You also knew we were perverted and kinky but again you thought you could change all that. You on the other hand never told us you didn’t like blindfolds, lotions, lingerie handcuffs, getting smacked on the butt. I bet you never brought it up. We just assumed that since you didn’t bring it up, you were ok with it. So you lied first.

Now you make us lie all the time. You know when. You are walking down the street and you pick out the best looking woman for miles around and then ask us if you look that bad. What are we supposed to say? “Well honey, you are a few pounds heavier. That thong sticking out of her skin tight jeans really turns me off and her breasts are way too big and perky” Are you crazy???? We want to live so we lie.

See what you do to us? So blame yourselves ladies.

What is that???? Yes dear I am getting off the computer now…No I wasn’t talking about you….Be right there honey. I love women,



just me said...

Gregg, I will give you this: either you are packing some brass ones, or you are Forrest Gump in disquise. Do you do a lot of scrimping?

In the first place, men want to do things women have never heard of! Men watch things that would make most women puke. Women don't try to change men, per se, they just try to make them human, to some degree, where they are house-trained, and able to obey simple commands like yes, no, sit up, and be quiet.

You can't blame us for being a few rungs ahead on the evolutionary ladder than you guys. Or, if you prefer the creationist aspect, God created man, saw he could do way, way better, so he created woman. Its not our fault he added a few bells and whistles, and whirlygigs.

Snow White said...

LOLOL I think you need to go read my post on love, and then rethink all of this! Everyone changes, it's just evolution, Baby! And, my theory, comfort! But you can blame "us" if it makes you feel better. We can take it! ;-)

Jenny! said...

Ugh, I hate woman! So demanding and their expectations are crazy!

Jenny! said...

I love men though!!! Wink wink wink!!!

Mayden' s Voyage said... was funny- and of course there is a lot of truth in what you've written here :)

One of the things I've learned recently is that I have to stop pretending my husband is someone other than he is.
All of our problems center on that- which is true for most people. I want him to be the steward and guardian of all the things we own (like the house and our cars- the yard- etc), but never, in all the years we've been together has he been a steward of those things.
He doesn't care.
And we've had terrible arguments about how he doesn't cut the grass, or check the oil in our cars...because I "expect" him to do that- and I am wrong to do so.
I can ask him to do those things, and he will...but it's foolishness for me to ever think he will do it on his own. He never has.

"Sigh"...after all of these years- I'm having to unlearn most of the things I've "projected" on to my husband- and it's not easy. He is just a man. Not a prince, or a king, or a warrior, or even a good steward of the things he works so hard for- but he is a good man.
Now the question is- can I go another 18 years?
We'll see :)

Brooke said...

I think that in my painful and vicious crusade to train my husband to do my every bidding a stray Y chromosome has migrated from him to me. I find myself saying "Quit being such a woman!" a lot more than I used to...

Lori said...

LOL!!!I know you didn't mean for this to be funny. I have been posting about all of this crazy stuff us women put our men through. I have told my husband how sorry I am a whole lot of times lately.

My post last week started off just like this. When I first got married to my husband I thought I could mold him into the person I wanted him to be. The puppet that would jump if I told him to.

snowelf said...

I have to give you this one, Greg..

But I also have to say I like my guys to act like guys at home and gentlemen in public. I am suspicious of the guys who don't act piggish--cause how am I supposed to have the advantage over them via the power of my hot body and great breasts?

LOL!!! I'm so kidding about that!!



Hails said...

Dude I love the pass the buck! men are men, you confuse us as we confuse you. hehe!

Pilgrim said...

If a man is alone in the woods talking and no one is around to hear he still wrong?

Found your site through Sian's blog BTW.

Gardener Greg said...

Yes pilgram, we are always wrong....Always. :)

gregra&gar said...

High humor, Dude.

"We just assumed that since you didn’t bring it up, you were ok with it. So you lied first.

This is so devious that I suspect you got it from your female friends. Followed you here from Karoline's blog — I'll be back. Great stuff.

somebody said...