Thursday, January 3, 2008

Bad Advice or Good Advice?

My father never gave me "that" talk. He avoided all that personal stuff like the plague. I don't remember him ever hugging me or even saying I love you, I am proud of you, or anything on a personal level. He never showed emotion unless it was anger. I don't count his happy moods when he had had a few too many.

When I was around 16 though he did give me what he considered good advice and at the time, being of that age, it kind of made sense. He told me "Never sleep with a woman unless you could see yourself married to her". Of course he wasn't talking about actually sleeping he was talking about "it". He couldn't even say that word. As a young boy of 16 it sounded pretty good but now that I am older and a father (ok and a grandfather too), I realize it was very bad advice. I mean what he said is true if you don't read into it. He meant to say that you may end up getting a girl pregnant if you have sex with her so she better be someone you could marry. But it also said "its ok to have premarital sex". Not exactly what a responsible parent should be telling their teenage son.

Some of his other great words of wisdom were:

Don't get married until you are 40.

Never invest in anything. It's too risky. Put your money in the bank.

Never loose a fight. If you find you are loosing, cheat. Pick up a baseball bat and even the score. There is no glory in getting the you know what kicked out of you.

Take two table spoons of butter before you go out to a party where you will be drinking. That way you can drink more. Yuck.

Never tell your mother more than you absolutely have to. Coincidentally, mom never gave me "any" advice.

No wonder I am so messed up. So what great words of wisdom did your parents give you? It had to be better than what I got.

Have a great day.

PS for better advice, go to


Queenie said...

Oh Greg like you there wasn't a lot about, dad being in the Navy his visits were short and only had time for fun. My mum always needed my advise, it was a sort of role reversal. My step mother gave me lots of good advise, but one that always sticks in my mind is " Is always tip your soup bowl away from you then people will know your a lady"...

Kim S in SC said...

Just tonight I was encouraging my daughter to go to her friend's apartment and see old friends. She said " i just don't really feel like going" I'm thinking, don't miss out until she shared that all they would be doing was drinking(all underage) and she doesn't drink and doesn't want to be a part of that. Sometimes our advice is bad because we are making bad decisions or sometimes it is just because we don't know the full story. It sounds like you have found a place to find all the right advice from the GIVER of all good things!
PS: Love that website, I use it often!

Janice Thomson said...

We never realize what we say to our kids sometimes until it's too late. My mom always harped on the fact I ought to be glad I was adopted - yes I get that and was very thankful but after hearing it a few dozen times one begins to wonder who was she trying to convince?

Wanda said...

I always wanted to be an artist or dad's advice was "Artist stave to death, it's not a vocation but a hobby." I was young and shorly after that I changed my mind and decided I wanted to go to Bible College and be in decision I ever made. So in the long run, my dad's advice was good. Now I have the best of both worlds....I've been in ministry 46 years, and painted my watercolors for most of that time.
Great post as usual Greg...You really pull things out of us, don't you.

Terri said...

Your dad couldn't say "it"? (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

I can't remember one bit of advice, but I think that's more about my memory than anything else. Or maybe I just chose to forget.

Kristen said...

Yikes - those are some doozies. I can't really think of much advice my parents gave me (except for one very uncomfortable dinner when my dad barked at my sisters and me, "You know about this AIDS thing? Well, if you're going to do something, use a condom!"). Mostly my dad told us lots of seemingly useless pieces of information ("Some peas are wrinkled and some are smooth") that I later ended up using in life, to my chagrin (in the case of the peas, it was one of the first things we studied in biology in college).

Goodness - now I'm going to be rethinking everyhing I say to my three-year-old. :-) But I try to be honest with him without scaring him and I try to teach him to be kind and loving to people, animals, the Earth - to follow Jesus' example. I'm sure I'll screw up a lot more as he gets older, though.

snowelf said...

Never tell your mother more than you absolutely have to.

That one I actually agree with--even as a mother! ;)

My parents never gave me any advice--I am self-educated and finally after 30 years, I think I've gotten the hang of things.


Celticspirit said...

There is no advice that my parents gave me that particularly stands out. I have found out that doing exactly the opposite of everything they did...well that's what has worked for me. do not at all seem messed up to me. You seem like a caring, decent, kind person who maybe needs to let go of the past as I try to do. I have to remind myself often that we all make our own choices in life and we don't have to let the past affect us. Peace be with you.

Shannon @ Gabi's World said...

At least you've realized the advice wasn't any good and aren't passing it on to any more future generations. Love that you gave a link to the Bible to get further advice. There is always something that applies to whatever advice your seeking.

Kerri said...

Wow! Unlike most of parents gave me Wonderful Advice. I wish I had chosen to use it!

They told sex before marriage...don't spend more than you save save....when you choose a man to marry make sure you consider what type of father he would make, respect your elders, read your Bible, and LOTS and LOTS of other things. I particularly remember a conversation with my DAD about quitting....NEVER Quit was his motto.

My parents have been married 60 years and have been wonderful role models. It took me about the first 35 years of my life to realize that. But better late than never.

Anonymous said...