Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Truth about Cat and Dog "People"

I know this is long but I assure you, you will learn a lot if you stay with me.

People are usually divided into two groups, Cat people or Dog people. We are Cat people. We have had a few dogs through the years but have always come back to cats. Even when we did own dogs we had cats and the dogs knew who was boss. There are big differences between these two animals so it stands to reason that most people like one or the other.

Dog people like to say that dogs are faithful because they usually are attracted to one person the most. It is said that they are “man’s” best friend but most of the time they are “one man’s” best friend. They will be friendly and faithful to one or maybe two people but everyone else beware. A dog may be faithful to his or her master but will often turn on other people without warning. To me this isn’t being “friendly”, its taking sides .

I think Cats are neat and in my opinion, man’s best friend. There I said it, “Cats are man’s best friend”. Cats are straight forward, they either like people or they don’t. Most of them don’t play favorites although cats seem to like or dislike certain people. Cats love me for some reason and love to rub up against me and get in my lap. I tell my wife that they just know intelligent people and want to communicate with (me) us.

You can kick a dog and he will keep coming back for more but if you kick a cat, he will either run away or shred your leg into little bits of meat. My father used to buy cheap dog food for our dogs saying that “they will eat it when they get hungry enough”. It was true. After a few days they would get hungry and eat it. If you put out cheap cat food you can count on feeding the possums or raccoons and can expect a nice dead rat on the front porch in a few days as a sign of protest. If a dog gets thirsty, he will drink out of the toilet which is something no self respecting cat would do.

Cats are just smarter I tell you. The old toss the ball and bring it back exercise would never be done by a cat. Ours will chase a small ball but only until they discover it isn’t something to eat. If our inside cat wants to go out at night he will either rustle the mini blinds or put his paw on me to wake me. Notice he doesn’t try to wake my wife. See he is smart. :) Just kidding dear.

One day, one of our cats had a large king snake cornered near my shed. They were both sitting motionless only inches apart staring at each other. I don’t usually kill snakes and especially not useful ones like a king snake so I walked up behind the cat and tapped him on the tail with my foot to break them up. Big mistake!!! The cat flinched, the snake struck, and the cat turned and climbed a tree, only it wasn’t a tree, it was my leg. He climbed completely up my body and jumped over me.
Well the scars have since healed and faded from the claw marks up my leg and I am still a cat “liker” but for a long time wondered why the Bible mentions snakes but not cats. Don’t you find that strange? No mention of cats at all. (I could be wrong on this but I think this is right) What’s up with that? Even in the rotten years, the Bad News Braves, got a “mention” in the sports section once in a while. This all leads to today’s theory”

Disclaimer: The following information is intended as humor and only loosely based on fact. This is all my theory but it is possible. :)

“God doesn’t like cats.” What else could it be? I mean a negative comment in the Bible would have been better than no mention at all. Because of this and being that Noah was a child and follower of God, he didn’t take any cats on the Ark. It’s a fact that he didn’t’ take cats on the Ark but there may have been other reasons like the fact that kitty litter wouldn’t be invented for several thousand years. All I know is they didn’t get invited.

Now imagine these cats left outside the Ark when the water starts to rise. You know they had to be begging to be let in. Here is another fact: Cats are selfish so instead of saying “we are out” I am betting they said: “I’m out”. It’s every cat for himself at this point. They are also not good at grammar so instead of saying “I’m out” they said “me out”. They also can’t say their T’s very well (if you can show me a cat that can say a T, I will rescind this post) so when they said “me out” it sounded like me-ou, which is pronounced meow, which is why cats say meow to this day. Is this all starting to make sense? Clear as muddy water, no pun intended.

Ok so the water starts to rise and most living creatures drown but cats have those claws and somehow managed to hang on to the outside of the Ark. Can you imagine the trauma that was instilled in their little brains as they clung on with water all around them? This is why to this day, they hate water. It’s getting clearer isn’t it?

Now when the water finally subsided, the cats saw the people making offerings (another fact) to God and they felt they should make their own little offering to the “solid ground” so they went out and buried their “offering” and to this day whenever you scare the poop out of a cat he will bury it. See what you learned today: More about cats that you ever wanted to.

Be kind to your cat today. They are survivors. Hence the reputation for having 9 lives. I could go on and on but I will spare you.

Have a great day,
Greg

11 comments:

Kathy said...

I'm guessing you had a lot of time on your hands and a cat purring in your lap as you wrote this post!

Lori said...

I think you are right that cats are usually smarter. I'm still a dog person though. Nothing against cats!

kostas said...

And the Noah therefore... discriminations!!!
Very beautiful the small history round cat, never I did not know that the Noah had not put all the animals in the ark, but left outside cats.
Because also the two serve the person, but also because these survived in in the thousands hro'nja, and against certain other, I cannot distinguish more from the two it is more intelligent and more beneficial to the public.

Celticspirit said...

You forgot to mention pet rock people. That's my favorite type of pet. ;) Cheap to keep. Just kidding of course. We don't have any pets right now but I do feed a stray cat that thinks it lives here. My son's allergic to dogs and cats.

Wanda said...

Oh Greg, this is hilarious!!! I can't stop laughing.... but I do have one Biblical questions...Would a "Lion" be considred a cat????

I am awarding you the "You Make My Day" Award...cause you DO!!!

LOL :)

Mom23QTs said...

For sure I'm a cat person! I love a good dog, but theyre dumb! lol

Kati said...

*snicker, snort & guffaw* Oh, that was great, Greg!!! I miss having a cat. (My hubby's allergic, darn it!) I do love our two dogs, but man.... there's just something about a cat. (I think it's about the purr. My dogs are great, but they don't lay on your chest at night & make a sound like a softly idling motor-boat to lull one to sleep.)

Angie said...

Greg that totally cracked me up! Great insight!!! I can honestly say I'm not one or the other. I love both for a lot of the reasons you mentioned. Really, that was great! Thanks!

Kim S in SC said...

Hey Greg: dog person here. I'm with NOAH and God ...just kidding! (kind of)

Bina said...

Oh my Gosh this was funny! I always wondered why cats make that sound! And by the way, my daughters cat ran up her leg, chest and face when she was three. She still has scars on her tummy. And why, you may ask? A KITTEN scared him!

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