Thursday, February 14, 2008

"The Truth about Liver"

My mother loved liver. She fixed it all the time and made us eat it. She said it was good for us. The truth of the matter is that it was really bad for us. These days if a parent did something like that it would be considered child abuse. These days with the help of a good lawyer, I would be very wealthy from being forced to eat it and the law suit that would follow.

The real truth about Liver:

I know you have heard the expression “you are what you eat”. Well I am here to tell you that expression is false. The expression should be “your liver is what you eat”. The reason being is that a liver is nothing more than a very efficient filter. It filters out all the bad stuff because the rest of your body can’t handle it. And it’s not just our livers that do this, it is all livers. This being said, I know there are some liver lovers out there and that is your choice. So let me tell you what to do with it.

How to prepare liver:

I fancy myself as a chef but I really don’t have a good recipe for liver. I don’t know if there actually is a “good” way to fix liver but I know how not to fix it. Here is my mother’s recipe. Feel free to try it.

Take one large Iron skillet and pour in a generous amount of cooking oil. Turn up the heat to the highest setting. While it is heating, chop up a large yellow onion. Make sure it is the kind that brings tears to your eyes when you are cutting it. Chop it into large pieces. Once the pan starts to smoke, toss in the onion pieces and cook until dark black. Now take the liver out of the package and run some cool water over it. Toss it into the pan and cook on high until it shrivels up to ¼ its original size. This should take about two hours. You will know it is done when the smoke alarm goes off in your house.

How to serve liver:

The way I see it, there are three ways to serve liver.

Mom’s way: Cut up and garnish with the charcoalized onions.

My way: When I was a child, I would cut it up in little tiny pieces about ¼” square. Then I would top with a teaspoon of salt, a teaspoon of pepper and top that with ½ cup ketchup. I remember it tasted pretty good at first but after the toppings went away, it left a bad taste on my mouth. As soon as the cook looks away spit the remaining liver in your napkin. Make sure not to do it too quickly because it may appear that you like it and you will be offered more.

The preferred way to serve liver: Now that I am older, I know the best way to serve it and here it is. After cooking the liver fully, toss it in a food processor and grind it up. Once it is fully ground, put in on a paper plate and set it outside the back door. With any luck the neighborhood kitties will eat it and you won’t have to. Bon appétit kitties.

Now I am not saying my mother was a bad cook. Let’s just say that for a long time I thought she was very religious because she presented “burnt offerings” every day. And I am not saying liver is bad although in my book the term “Good Liver” is an oxymoron. All I am saying is liver is a lot like some people I know. You can dress them up and make them look really nice but deep down they are still liver. The best thing I can do is just stay away from it (them).

Have a wonderful (non liver) day

Greg

13 comments:

Sian said...

That made me laugh. Liver is foul stuff, unless it is made into pate and then it is just fab. Who knows why?

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

haha whenever my kids ask me what's for dinner I always say, "Liver and onions". I think they've figured out I'm joking since I would NEVER let that stuff in my house! LOL

alan pardoe said...

liver i like but these day i can't take all that iron. please Greg take a look a my Blog it's .POD. thanks. St Poddy

Angie said...

Greg this cracked me up...the smoke alarm...burnt offerings. Too funny! I'm not a big fan of the liver either. No organ meats at all for me unless my mom sneaks it in to her fabulous dressing. I'm with you--happy eating kitties.

Celticspirit said...

I can't figure out why anybody would eat the stuff. Blech! Why would anybody want eat something that is probably full of toxins that are body rejected?

Patty said...

Actually liver, if prepared properly is very good. Pork liver is a little different then beef liver, and of course there is chicken livers that are very tasty.

My mother-in-law showed me how to parboil liver, then run it through a meant grinder, make into patties, flour and fry, very good also. But I sitll prefer just the floured type, brown on one side, turn and brown on the other, doesn't take long, so tender you can cut with a fork, cook too long and it gets tough. Of course none of our kids would eat it, only my husband and myself. I suppose I didn't like it when I was small either, can't remember, been too long ago.

Susan Kelly Skitt said...

Oh Greg that was too funny! My dear grandmother (on my mom's side who also was not the best cook, not to be confused with my grandmother on my dad's side who is an awesome cook, don't worry, my mom's mom had other redeeming qualities) would visit and bring liver and try to make us eat it!

That was one item my parents never forced us to eat... I did take one bite once but about puked. It was so mushy and gross. I can't believe they actually have that "meat" item on some menus, mostly diners though. I prefer a good steak myself and just cooked some nice little filets (on sale) for our family on Valentines Day.

I look forward to reading your 7 random things when you get a chance. I'll be offline until at least next Tuesday, so I'll catch up then :)

Wanda said...

Ha Ha Ha Ha....Is that where the expression came...What am I, chopped liver"?

I'm with you....paper plate, back porch.

Mom23QTs said...

I'm usually not a fan of liver, but I did have it cooked really well one time and liked it. Not sure how they did it, and I dare not try it myself. I can't imagine liking anything prepared the way you're describing Grandma did. That's gross no matter what kind of meat you use! I think a lot of people don't like it for the same reason as you, it was prepared really horribly and it scarred you for life. That's why I try to put 100% effort into making sure my meals turn out well because I don't want to scar my children! LOL

Shannon @ Gabi's World said...

I am sure my cat would love to be neighbors with you! Liver blech!

Kim S in SC said...

If my hubby wants liver, I send him to S and S cafeteria. Never ate it, never cooked it, NEVER WILL.
;)

Kati said...

ROFL My dad made a triple threat of his liver dinner when we were kids. Not only did he pan-fry the liver (which we hated) he also topped it with sauteed onions & mushrooms (both of which were much hated as well, whether served with liver or with regular steak). To this day, neither of my sisters or I like liver or mushrooms, though I do like onions now (and my middle sis is ok with onions depending on how they're prepared).

Liver is not something I've yet had the chance to force on my daughter, though I keep telling my dad he needs to make it while she's there one time, just so she can say she's tried it. (And, knowing MY kiddo, she'll like it and want me to make it for dinner occasionally. She's just wierd like that.)

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