I thought you could all use a good laugh and since nothing funny has happened today (so far) I thought I would enlist the help of an old friend from my youth. Every Saturday without fail, I watched this guy perform his magic with the help of his Way-Back machine. Of course I am talking about the world famous Mr. Peabody. Along with his faithful sidekick Sherman, he traveled to earlier times and faraway places. I always loved the stories and especially the witty endings. Little did I know it was actually educational. Now if you don’t know who Mr. Peabody and Sherman are then you may be too young to be reading this because I assure you the ending is really scary.
Mr. Peabody: Today Sherman we are traveling back to the year 1970. The place; Tomoka State park which is just north of Ormond Beach Florida. I will set the way back machine to June 27th of that year. We are at the base of the giant statue of Seminole Chief Tomoka. It is an interesting statue depicting the Seminoles shooting arrows at their Chief. I am guessing they just had a bad hair day. It is of particular interest to young boys because the Indian woman in the statue is topless. On this very night a play will be enacted by the Boy Scouts and one brave girl. (no pun intended)
Sherman: Gosh Mr. Peabody, don’t you think it’s strange for Minors to be putting on a play here with all that nudity and violence in the background?
Mr. Peabody: No stranger than a talking dog. Besides it will seem normal when we get back to 2009.
Mr. Peabody: Now where was I? Yes, the park. Yes this very night, there will be a play depicting friendship and a treaty between the Seminoles and the early French settlers. Of course this is the white man’s version so some liberties were taken as far as the story. And because no self respecting Seminole would be in this dreadful play, several suckers were coerced, I mean several Boy Scouts “volunteered” to be in the play.
Sherman: What could possibly convince these Boys into doing something so embarrassing?
Mr. Peabody: I believe it was required in order to get a Citizenship Merit Badge.
Sherman: A Merit Badge? Isn’t that kind of like a dog tag?
Mr. Peabody: That’s right Sherman, only they don’t have to get a shot to get one. And that reminds me, I didn’t have a rabies vaccine in 1970 and my mouth is feeling a little foamy?
Sherman: That’s right and you weren’t neutered in 1970 either so quit looking at my leg like that.
Mr. Peabody: Anywhoo, tonight will be a fabulous play where white children are forced to play Seminoles even though they don’t even slightly resemble Indians. And they will be totally humiliated and will vow to never act again.
Mr. Peabody: In the first scene we see the Indian scout hitting the brave on the chest in some kind of ritual. (Early husband beating I presume)
Mr. Peabody: In the second scene we see the Indians and French sitting down together at a feast of grapes and oranges. In the third scene we see two of the actors shaking hands and agreeing to never tell a sole that this happened.
Sherman: How is this possible Mr. Peabody. I have never heard of grapes growing in Florida.
(note: In the actual play, the French man took off his glasses and we were all dyed a dark brown/red color. That's right we invented body painting.)
Mr. Peabody: That’s correct Sherman. After dining on grapes and oranges, the French got really bad stomach aches. They were so angry that they raided the vineyards and wiped out all the grapes in Florida. The only surviving grapevines were taken back to France where they thrived and were later used to launch the French wine industry.
Sherman: Are you sure about that Mr. Peabody? I don’t remember reading that in any of the history books.
Mr. Peabody: It’s true Sherman. I know you have heard of Conquered Grapes haven’t you?
Have a great day,