Friday, July 17, 2009

Strike Three

Lots of things come in threes; Peter, Paul and Mary, Three Dog Night, Inna-godda- Davida (baby). Even the Bible makes lots of references to the number three; Father Son and Holy Ghost. Mathew, Mark and Luke, The three wise men. Yes I know the bible doesn’t technically say “three” wisemen but my Children’s Bible did and I am going with that. From what I remember it said there were three Wise Men. The first brought Gold, the second brought a friend named Frank Insense and the third brought the mertz’s (spelled myrrh for some odd reason). I am assuming it was Fred and Ethel.
Hey that’s what I thought when I was young and this is my story. Anywhoo…..

So Wednesday night which just happens to be the third day of my week I went spinning for the third time. The instructor was younger than the previous one and so were the majority of the participants. Because of that the workout was much more intense. I am sure in a few days I will be able to walk normally again. We did a Cancer ride and everyone put the name of a person touched by cancer on their bike and we paid tribute to them while we rode. It was very inspirational and moving. (no pun intended)

So that takes us to Thursday morning. (stay with me please) As some of you know, I had to attend a day of training. I actually got to sleep in a bit since I wasn’t going to the gym. Those two workouts on Wednesday did me in. I headed out at 5:15 because the training location was about an hour and a half away. It was at my old office which is why I transferred to where I am now. Who wants to spend 3 hours a day on the road just driving to and from work? There is no easy way to get there but I do know a shortcut if you can call it that.

There is a little country road that goes between Jacksonboro and Canadys. It’s called Round-O road. It's named that because half way between Jacksonboro and Canadys is a bump in the road town called Round-O. I am not making this up, Google it. I don’t know who came up with that town name but it didn’t take a lot of thought. I can hear the town meeting now;

Future Mayor; “Well did anyone come up with a town name since our first meeting?”
Town person #1; “How about Square-O.”
Future Mayor; “For some reason that sounds odd.”
Town person #2; “Oh, I know, Triangular-O.”
Future Mayor: “No that doesn’t work either.”
Little Jenny Pickens (who would be the schoolmarm if they had a school in Round-O) “Oh Oh pick me (hand waiving in the air) What about (big pause) Round-O. “
And the rest is history.

So there I am enjoying my nice morning drive, coffee in hand, light beginning show in the east, enjoying a little soft music when out of the corner of my left eye, I see something brown. Now let me say that the events to follow all happen in about two seconds and I am traveling at 55 MPH because that is what the speed limit is and I always do the speed limit. So I notice this brown object emerging out of the green woods and it is moving in my direction. Suddenly I realize it is a deer and for some reason it wants to cross the street in front of my fast moving car. Why I don’t know at this point. Suicidal deer perhaps.

About a half second has passed and I gently apply my brakes causing a loud screeching sound black marks in the road and smoke to bellow out the back of my car. (Translation; I locked them up with all the strength I had in my leg) At this point, the doe is right in front of the car and she realizes she isn’t going to make it (duh I knew that a half second before that) so she jumps. I actually think this was a good move on her part and mine. So there she is front legs up in the air and I do think if she had an additional second she would have made it but she didn’t.

Now I want to take a moment to thank the person (NOT) that sent me the email the other day showing the deer in the front seat of the car because in that next half second, that picture flashed before my eyes and so did the deer and my life. Clipping her back legs sent the entire deer into my windshield. For those that don’t know it, I drive a Honda Civic so this deer was about as big as my car. After denting my front fender, and bouncing off my windshield the deer was tossed about 8 feet in the air and it landed in the road behind me just about the time I skidded to a stop.

I looked back excepting to see a dead deer which I would have to then drag off the road (because it is the right thing to do). Instead I saw a doe with a very sore behind struggling to her feet and running off into the woods. I am hoping that the back legs were only bruised but I am guessing there were more serious injuries. I was only a few miles from my destination too and that makes the third deer I have hit this year. What’s up with that?

But being proactive like I am, when there is a problem, I have a solution. Bumper stickers:

I brake for venison.

Caution, deer Crossing.

Meat eater on board.

The Buck stops here.

I eat at the roadkill cafe.

Go ahead, make my dinner.

I hate Bambi.(I don't really)

And my personal favorite:

Deer, the other red meat.

And if that doesn’t work I have idea #2. Road signs at animal crossings. But don’t put them for the drivers, turn them sideways and put them for the animals:

So it’s Friday and I am thankful for being alive and only minor damages to my car. The worst part of the entire day was the training wasn’t worth a dime or should I say wasn’t worth a Buck, yuck yuck.

Have a great day,


Jenny said...

You are too funny, I like the bumper sticker Go ahead, make my dinner. LOL.. I am glad you were not hurt.

Deb said...

Although the way you're telling this is hilarious!!...I'm sure at the moment it was anything but. My 16 year old son can sympathize with you. About a month ago he had a deranged deer decide that his little Kia Rio was the perfect suicide tool. Zack was only about 2 miles from home and well....the deer was successful in it's suicide attempt and now Zack's car looks like it has a permant wink to go along with the dented hood and fender.......
Glad you weren't hurt!
Have a super deer-free day!

Jenny wren's nest said...

I think a home made sticker made of duck tape placed over the damage to the car that says in bold letters:"I SUPPORT DEER HUNTING," would be perfect.

Greg C. II said...

Three Deer... and a flock of turkey's! The animals around here have lost it.

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Ok this is probably one of my favorite posts of yours. You are too funny. I'm sorry for you and the doe, a deer, a female deer. Glad you weren't in a terrible accident. Oh, and get over the Plain White T's hating because they are just perfectly sweet. But I do like Rob Thomas, although I haven't seen the video you mentioned. I had just added the Diamonds song to my playlist right before I got your message. Weird! And "Smooth" is in my top ten fav songs list, I think.

Edie said...

Oh I'm so glad you weren't hurt. I hope the deer will be ok too. I like the road sign idea.

You are funny even when your life is on the line. :) Have a great weekend and stay off that road!

2Thinks said...

I wish we could have a metal pipline pointing at our mouths, where we sit by our computers and connecting all our houses in an old fashioned, tin cans between a piece of string sort of way- BECAUSE- then you could hear me laughing right now at your bumper stickers.

That just sounds scary- the whole deer leaping in front and over your car thing. You live a very "Crocodile Dundee works out" sort of lifestyle over there- very adventuresome- very healthy. I think all that spinning contributed to your clear thinking, such that you were able to apply just the right amt. of pressure on the brakes that you didn't end up with a worse situation on your hands or in your hands, as the case may have been.

I am glad you are okay. Cars are repairable, replaceable.

Doesn't John get to be with Matthew, Mark and Luke- generally?

My mother always says trouble in comes in threes. So, you're done. Whew!

2Thinks said...

Not trouble in comes in.., just trouble comes in.... good grief

sara said...

LOL!!! Just glad the deer didn't smash your windshield!!! When I lived in ND, we had these "whistles" we put on our front bumper. As the air passed through them they would make a sound that apparently the deer could hear.....I think they worked because any of us who had them never hit a deer (and they were plentiful)!!

The Dental Maven said...

I'm thrilled you're fine, Greg. But I can't help but feel bad for the doe. :( Since this is the third time you've hit a deer, maybe you should consider placing a loud speaker on the exterior of your car that periodically emits the sound of a gun going off. That should offer a bit of deterrant. You're neighbors will love it!

Terri Tiffany said...

lol I laughed all the way through this! All I hope is that if we ever meet you in person--you are this funny:))
But I am so sorry about the run in! Lucky you weren't seriously injured, you know.

Wanda said...

Oh Greg.... If I am down, need a lift, a smile, a laugh or just want to read a wonderful comentary...

You are the best at it.....

Lea said...

Sorry bout your car; that stinks!
Three times in a year is pretty bad!
I ran over a squirrel thee other day and still feel HORRIBLE.

Chatty Kelly said...

Greg, this is a terrible story and here I am laughing my head off! You are so funny. My favorite was "the buck stops here." Wahaha! Close 2nd was "the training wasn't worth a buck." Oh, you slay me. Actually you slay deer. but you get what I mean.

Was your car totalled?

Poor you. But thanks for bringing a smile to my other wise hum-drum day.


Valerie said...

Having just mastered the art of not hitting a schoolkid who obviously thought he was a deer (!) I can empathise. Glad you're okay. I can't better the sticker 'go ahead, make my dinner' :)

Carmen said...

Three deer this year? Obviously God is trying to tell you shoulda been a butcher.

Seriously though, hope you and your car are okay...and that you have a reasonably understanding insurance company (does that sentence even make sense?).

You should write a book of all your adventures. I'd buy it!

Kati said...

LOL OM-Gosh Greg, I'm glad you're ok. I hope the deer was actually ok and "just a little sore" as well. Hopefully she didn't die a slow & painful death.

Also hope you have a good, peaceful, no-deer-included weekend.

Debbie @Like a Rose said...

Another one! Seriously! This is starting to fit into Linda's "I Know You Think I Make These Things Up" category.

Glad you're okay.

Sandy said...

well oh "dear", you have had your share of run in's with deer. I was thrilled to read she got up and left though...

Truth4thejourney said...

Since things come in three's you're done hitting deer for the year! Or so I hope.

I also hope your boss doesn't read this blog. Cause he's the one approving your buck at the end of the pay period. LOL!!

Glad you're ok. You're really working your guardian angels!

Sonya Lee

Holly said...

Very Funny. Even more funny is the fact that I have traveled through all of those areas that you mentioned? Do you remember the seafood restaurant in Jacksonborough? YUMMY!!

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