Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Tree trimming (911)

It was late Monday night when we got the call from JW. She and a friend had attempted to cut down a tree in her yard. At around 830 pm, they gave up. At 9 pm she called me, Mr. Can-do. My wife, Mrs. Can-do took the call but because it was so late, decided to do the cutting on Tuesday afternoon.

We arrived on the scene at approximately 4 pm. The tree was still standing but it had a huge notch cut in it. After assessing the situation, I decided to remove a few limbs before attempting to complete the tree cutting ceremony.

Now let me stop right here and state a few facts:

1. This notch in the tree wasn’t your standard V-notch. It was much more complex. It was a partial V with a bit of the tree left in one side. The theory was that once the tree started to fall, it would hit that chunk of wood and cause the tree to spin and land in precisely the right spot. That spot was halfway between the fence and the pool. Good plan.

2. The chain saw had dulled the night before and so a new blade was purchased. However when they tried to cut with the new blade it appeared to be dull as well. It turns out the blade was put on backwards. That shound have been a clue as to the tree cutting ability of the person who started the job.

3. The person who started the job had left town. I didn’t go into why but I have a suspicion that it may have had something to do with the tree. I don’t know for sure, I am just saying.

4. I did not evolve from apes as evidenced by my lack of ability to move about in a tree. I hung on to that thing like static to a wool sweater in a dryer. Hey I wonder if it would be possible to train monkeys to cut down trees with little chainsaws. Hmm that may be my million dollar idea. Anywhoo

So I climbed the tree and took off a few limbs (with my chainsaw) but there was still a few that hung over the fence. I knew that cutting them would destroy the fence so I decided to go ahead with the tree cutting operation. And since the guy that preceded me was an “expert” as evidenced by his ability to install a new chainsaw blade, I decided to use the cut that he already started. My gut feeling said to start fresh but what do I know about tree cutting.

I had my three assistants man the ropes to guide the tree down safely as I began to cut the back side of the tree. My plan was to ease the tree down so they helpers could pull it to where we wanted it to land. I tried to cut the tree slowly but it was hollow so all of a sudden it just popped and began to fall. I shouted pull, pull harder, give it all you got, but the tree won. It went the wrong direction and crashed across the fence, splintering it as it went. So much for the complex notch idea. At least it didn’t end up in the pool.

JW had to go apologize to the neighbor and ask if we could come over and cut the tree that was in their back hard. They didn’t have a problem with it as long as we cleaned up our mess which we did. We were just worried about getting sued over the incident. And we really got worried when about 15 minutes later, an insurance car drove up in front of the house. It turns out their son works for an insurance company. Whew, talk about timing. I won't say which insurance company it was but I will say that "tree trimming is so easy a cave man could do it." :)

So I am available if anyone needs a tree cut down. Please make sure you have insurance, lots of it.

Have a great day,
Greg

12 comments:

The Dental Maven said...

Holy smokes, Greg! Is there nothing you won't help out with???

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

LOL I love your comment about not evolving from apes as shown by your lack of tree climbing ability! Ha! That's excellent evidence!

This post is also exceptionally entertaining. I can visualize the whole experience as if I were there. Nicely done! (I'm speaking of the tree too...because a fence is FAR better than the house!

or a car!
or a person!

Well done. :-)

Edie said...

Oh my goodness! I'm glad no one was hurt in the process. Like Chel said, better the fence than the house.

I have a couple of trees I would like cut down. After you get those monkeys trained would you send them my way. It might be safer to let them do it. :P (jk)

2Thinks said...

I always thought you weren't supposed to put a wool sweater in a dryer, or it would come out looking like those boiled wool purses some women make where the weave is all shrunk tightly together with no hope for a stretch.

Taking down trees is nerve wracking for the wife of the man who fells a tree himself to save money (and just monkey around). I have one of those husbands.

sara said...

#2 made me LOL!

I just wish you had it on video!!! hey, you might have won some $$!

Katherine Aucoin said...

Murphy's Law in action! thank goodness for you...no one was hurt! I wish you had pictures.

Heart2Heart said...

Greg,

You know you could just sense where this was all going when you mentioned that the "expert" had installed the chain saw blade backwards. Perhaps he was the evolved ape-man.

Love this and thanks for making me laugh this morning.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Kelly Combs said...

Did you at least get to go swimming in the pool afterwards to cool off? LOL! Glad it turned out "okay."

Amy De Trempe said...

Loved the post. Reminded me of when we tried to take a tree down in our back yard. Never got it all the way completed. A storm took care of it for us later in the summer. Luckily only a few plants got crushed.

Jane In The Jungle said...

ROFL!!!! My boys watch "Axman" and my youngest wants to be a logger!!

ChrisJ said...

Good night, Greg! You take your life in your hands. I would say it's a good thing only the fence suffered. But what a great neighbor you are.
I love your posts.

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