Friday, October 9, 2009

Eureka, I’ve found it!!!

(Note this is intended to be humerous. I hope it doesn't offend anyone)

Those of you who know me well, know that I am always on the cutting edge or should I say the leading edge when it comes to new and exciting things. When there is a new technology or product out there you can bet you will hear about it here first. And the same goes for new and innovative ideas. My brain is often where these cutting edge ideas first surface. And this is no exception.

I have known that something was in the works for some time. As they say; The stars and planets have been aligning so I knew some big idea was about to pop into my brain and it has. Before I spill the beans though, let me just list the facts:

1. We need change. That seems to be the buzz phrase these days although I don’t remember who said it first.

2. You got to believe. Again another popular phrase these days but again I don’t know who said it first.

3. Many people are searching for answers these days but need concrete answers that they can believe in.

4. The world has become scientific and mathematical. Everything must be proven. People spend their whole lives trying to prove why fish slime stinks or why frog legs taste like chicken or why E=M(C squared). If it isn’t concrete or proven then it must be false.

5. Many people these days spend more time trying to figure out loop holes in the law than trying to follow the law.

6. Since we have run out of new ideas, the fad seems to be to rewrite old ideas. For instance they are doing a remake of the Wizard of Oz because the first one just wasn’t good enough.
And finally:

7. I have always wanted to be a writer but I never seem to have enough ideas to finish a book.

So this idea came to mind…. A “Customizable Bible.” I know there have been many versions written over the years but this one will be different. It is customizable because a there will be options so you can pick and choose the things you want to believe or follow. And I have taken out the "unbelievable" parts and replaced them with proven facts.

For instance, instead of the traditional 10 commandments there will be lots more but here is the thing: You don’t have to follow them all. You can pick the ones you want to follow and disregard the rest. And if you are having a really bad day, just throw them all out the window and do whatever makes you happy. And instead of one ending there will be alternate endings so everyone is happy. Sounds great doesn’t it? And for those people who need positive proof of everything I will be rewriting the beginning and adding in little scientific experiments to keep your interest. Well enough talk about it, let me give you a sample and remember this is based on scientific evidence so it must be true.

In the beginning there was a huge mass of rock floating around in space. It was larger than anyone could comprehend.

(Wait that would be impossible since everything must be proven so it was slightly smaller than “larger than anyone could comprehend”.)

Then all of a sudden this mass just exploded. Nothing like starting out a story with a big bang is there. After the big bang, everything flew into space and we had the universe as we know it.

Scientific experiment:
You will need a very large rock, some dynamite and a very long fuse.
Insert the dynamite under the rock, light fuse and run.
Now come back and pick up the pieces. You should have nice round rocks resembling small planets, globes of burning Hydrogen and little sharp fragments of rocks.
Hmm that didn’t work, all I got was some sharp rocks so let’s start again.

In the beginning there was a huge round mass of gas. (Same size as the rock above)Then one day it exploded and the universe was formed.

Scientific experiment:
You will need a large cylinder of hydrogen and a longer fuse than the one above. (Please don’t really try this at home)
Attach the fuse to the cylinder and run to your car and then drive as fast as you can. After you feel the shock wave come back and see what is left. There should be burning globes of gas, and some round objects resembling little planets and also some sharp little rocks. Hmmm another failure. Maybe we need more hydrogen.
I believe we can prove this if we just keep trying. All it takes is a little faith in human ingenuity.

In the beginning there was a black hole. (Same size as the rock and hydrogen above) (For those that aren’t familiar with black holes they are black voids in space where something used to be. Basically they are “nothingness that occupies a position in space) Then all of a sudden this nothingness exploded and something was formed called the universe. (It makes perfect sense now, no need to do an experiment on this one)

This was easier than I thought. Just wait until I tell you how the meteor hit mars knocking off a large chunk of ice, and that ice possibly contained a small single cell amoeba made it to earth after surviving the 10,000 degree entry into the atmosphere and started life as we know it. You are going to love it.

I only have a few questions to have answered to make this theory solid as a rock;
Where did the rock or gas or black hole come from? And where did the life on Mars come from? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? Well back to the drawing board.

As for me I Believe in God.

Until next time this is your on (Or over) the edge reporter saying have a great day,



Heart2Heart said...


This was a super cute post! I was not at all offended and felt it was a great way to try and appeal to all the masses. Kinda like giving Obama a Nobel Peace prize for ?????

I am to go about grumbling about more unbelievable stuff in the world.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Monogram Queen said...

I don't get offended about things like that and look askance at people who do.
I wish everyone was as secure in their belief as you!

Quilldancer said...

Has anyone ever known an explosion or crash of any kind to create anything resembling order?

As for me, I believe in God! That doesn't take a huge leap of faith.

Kim said...

You can always make me smile Greg :-)

skoots1mom said...

new and innovative ideas--THAT'S YOU...YOU always come up with some of the neatest ways to say things, too.

Many people are searching for answers (and trying to get on people's good side b4 they let down the hammer...can you say BO and peace prize?)

As to "Everything must be proven"...The Nobel committee missed this one...he's hasn't proven or enacted his world peace strategies yet although Afghanistan isn't going so good.
I agree about #5...I hear alot of pp, especially in the DC, finding loop holes in the law.

Rewrite old ideas (agree with this too...they're redoing old movies, old books, and now ASTROBOY is coming back...I used to read that comic.


People are already "picking and choosing the things to follow...and then conveniently NOT READING THE OTHER PARTS.

"You can pick the ones you want to follow and disregard the rest"...i.did.not.have.relations.with.that.woman."

Everyone happy "Sounds great" sounds like one of the big talkshow hosts...that begins with an O.

(God said, "bang"...just so you know :)

Me, too..."I Believe in God."

What great college try, though. You ALWAYS make me laff :D

Heckety said...

You are only hilarious! How long did it take you to write this? Can I print it out and give it to our Rector to use for an RE lesson in school? I know you are being funny, and I laughed out loud, but you covered some salient points that youngsters (and others) could with advantage consider!

Andrea said...

What a chuckle you provided. I, too believe in GOD. Thanks for stopping by arise 2 write.

Blessings and prayers, andrea

Carmen said...

That sounds about right! =D

2Thinks said...

I like what scoots1mom had to say: The World According to Greg. I would buy it, too. Go for it!

Mimmy said...

Greg - You ARE certainly a writer. This was very enjoyable and your ending grabbed me. Believing in any explosion theory is like believing that a printing shop could explode and an Unabridged Webster's Dictionary would be left in its place.

Thank you for visiting Mimmy's Maniacal Moments and for your kind comment.

God Bless,

Susan Skitt said...

Love your take on things Greg - as always you make me smile.

I believe what God says (since He was there):

In the beginning God created...

Oh and interestingly, if people would open their Bibles to Genesis, they would see that each of the six days God created, the evening and morning were the "first day, the second day, etc." - 24 hour days - literally!!!

And of course on the seventh day, God rested from his work, a good example for us human beings who are made in his image.

Have a great weekend!!!

Scarlet said...

There is only one truth. All religions can't be right, but God is never wrong. When you put all the books and theories away, God will always still be there.

You're right, we can't just explain things without asking ourselves who made those things!

¡Que pases un buen fin de semana, chico! :)

Beverlydru said...

Now that's a fine piece of creative writing. Enjoy your hot weekend.

Edie said...

I LOVE THIS GREG! You tell a story like no one else!

I have actually thought of this only with mosaics. I love to mosaic and have wondered many times if I just threw all the pieces into the air and let them land, would they fall into the perfect picture I had laied out. :)

There is a scripture in the Bible that I believe speaks to the big bang theory and I can't remember what it is. I have it marked so one day when I when across it again I'll share.

Have a great weekend!

Debbie @Like a Rose said...

Best post ever!!! I love it.

Chel's Leaving a Legacy said...

Um, I don't mean to burst your bubble, my dear friend, but this has been done already. It's called Humanism. ;-)

Of course, they haven't proven any of this yet (!) but because they repeat it over and over, it must be true!

Did you know that a group of liberal somebodies do get together and try to customize the Bible? Yeah. They vote at the end of each meeting to determine which of Jesus' words He really said and what He didn't. So far, they only believe that there is one phrase in all the Bible that is verbatim. And of course, it's one that alone, is completely sterile.


You drive home a good point here. You should go through The Truth Project that Focus on the Family has done. You'd love it!

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