Monday, December 21, 2009

Missed Opportunities.

Well apparently there people in South Africa that want to send me money. It’s true. About every other day someone dies over there and they have no one to leave the money to so they seek me out. Apparently they got my name from the “needs money” list because I get tons of these things. The only part that makes me wonder is that this “lawyer for the family” has trouble spelling. And obviously his computer doesn’t have spell check either. But I just can’t get myself to send them my account number along with my social security number. But that 7 millian US Dallers does sound good.

I have noticed an increase in the road rage level over the last week. I am guessing the holiday shopping thing is getting to everyone. And I have a confession. I used my horn this morning. Say it isn’t so!!! Yes I know it is almost as hard to believe as the 7 millian US Dallers but I swear it’s true.

I was at a stop light and the other light turned yellow. This guy was coming but he didn’t start to slow down even though he wasn’t even close to the intersection. His light turned red then mine turned green and then about three seconds passed before he got into the intersection. Had I not been paying attention, I would have pulled right out in front of him. So I laid on my horn as he drove through. Now my wife will most likely crack up when she reads this because she knows the horn on my little Honda sounds like a toy. Had I pulled out even a foot I might be driving a nice new car now. Darn another missed opportunity.

After that I had one person pass me on a double solid line and a second person pass me on the right. What is your hurry people. Apparently there was a memo that said drive like a fool today. I didn’t get it.

In other news the racecar driver decided to drop the lawsuit against his neighbor. So that made most of the people on the island happy. But then last week we had another shooting. This guy was deer hunting and in a tree stand. Some other guys were hunting in the other end of the field and the guy in the tree stand shot one of the other guys. He said he mistook him for a deer. Twice, using a scope. Hmmm something fishy there. The guy lived though so that is good news.

Oh and for those people up north here is how you deer hunt from a tree stand:

Ok you go out and buy a stand that costs around 2 to 5 hundred dollars. Then you buy a gun and ammo. Total cost is around 5 hundred to a thousand dollars. Then you go buy corn and put a pile of it near your stand and get the deer used to eating there. (Much like you would feed a cow) Then once they get tame, you get in your stand and put on Camo clothing so Bambi won’t see you. You then put deer pee on your clothes so that Bambi will think you are a deer in a tree. Next you wait for a nice frost morning so that you can see your breath and not feel your toes.

So when Bambi comes to eat, Kapowwww. You got em. Then you take your deer to a processing center and pay them a hundred dollars to process it for you. And you end up with about 50 lbs of venison. Once you figure in your time and gas and other incidentals you end up only paying around 10 dollars a lb for hamburger. What a deal. But it was fun. I prefer using my Honda to hunt. I have better success that way.

Have a great day,


The Dental Maven said...

Deer pee? Intriguing. Where do they get the donor-deer for that? Do they pay them or is it voluntary? Available in parfum or eau de toilette?

Patrice said...

I used to drive a Honda and had to laugh at the horn crack...neep neep!! I bet you scared that fella to death!! Yes, you are a better hunter with your Honda than those sitting in those deer stands...and your deer stand with four wheels has heat too! HA!

Patrice said...

BTW, thank you for my made me smile! Your the best BFF ever!!

Kelly Combs said...

Hi Greg. Just popping over to get a good laugh and you never fail to delivery. You know, that guy offered me 7 millan dallers too. Interesting. We must be on the same mailing list. ;-)

Just popping over to say Merry Christmas! I am not visiting blogs much and enjoying taking December off. It was good for my soul!

See you in the bloggyspere in January!!!

Edie said...

Better success cause the deer hear the horn and think it's a toy car? Hahaha!

My friend's husband and her son go deer hunting a lot every year. I never heard anything about deer pee but we have talked about the cost. It's great bonding for the guys and she says for all it cost, they better come home with some deer. LOL!

Man I'm so sorry for the guy that got shot. I'm glad he's ok.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!!

Monogram Queen said...

I am trying to be extra patient and extra nice with my driving.
No - REALLY!!!

You forgot to add "then they try to pawn the 'wonderful' venison off on family and neighbors"...

Anonymous said...