Saturday, April 10, 2010

Top 10 Allergy signs

Some of us go our whole lives devoted to a cause, trying to be the best at what we do. For some it is an uphill battle all the way while for others it comes quite easy and naturally. It’s like they were born with a “gift.” The goal is to be the best, the first or the top in whatever we have chosen as our life’s ambition. On rare occasions when we know we can’t be the best we opt for being the worst just to get some notoriety. For some it may be sports, for others it is business but for me, its allergies. Yes I think I have the worst allergies on the planet and I will argue with anyone who disagrees. I argue a lot when I am like this. Just ask my family.

Nothing irks me more than to hear someone with mild allergies complaining about how bad they have it. It never fails if I mention that I am suffering, some hypochondriac will chime in wanting to get a piece of the action; “Oh I know what you mean. They are really bad this year. I had to take a Claritin twice last week.” You make me laugh. That’s right, I want to laugh in their face and say something like; Allergies. You have no idea what allergies are. But then I was once like they are and thought I had it bad back then as well.

So I decided that perhaps some of you out there are in the same boat and think you have bad allergies. I am sorry to tell you this but it will only get worse. You have no idea what it will be like one day so to clue you in, I have come up with the top 10 signs that you have bad allergies. And here they are:

#10

While brushing your teeth you have wondered if it might feel good to brush your itchy eyes. And you have an electric tooth brush.

#9

Death Valley sounds like a nice place to live since there are no trees or grass there.

#8

Your favorite snack is vinegar and salt potato chips because you discovered that if you eat them whole they feel really good as they scratch their way down your throat.

#7

You change the words to every song you hear to make them all about allergies or pollen.

“I like dreamin, cause dreamin can make you mine” becomes “I hate pollen, cause pollen can make you sick”

“go on take the money and run” becomes “go on take the pollen and run”

Or

“in the day we sweat it out on the streets of a runaway American dream” becomes “in the day we sweat it out on the streets of another allergy attack”

You get the picture

#6

The first thing you say when you wake up in the morning is; It’s going to be a great(sneeze,cough,blow), oh God not again, (sneeze,cough,blow),why me Lord?

#5

You have ever rubbed jalapeño juice in your eyes by mistake and thought; hey that feels pretty good.

#4

You feel so bad you wouldn’t even wish this on your worst enemy. And you have wished some pretty bad things on them in the past.

#3

You have ever sat down and done the math to see if it is possible become dehydrated from blowing your nose. Eventually you have to run out of body fluid according to my calculations.

#2

You have considered committing suicide because the thought of eternally burning in hell sounds like a step up from how you feel at the moment. (Not really but it has been close a couple of times.)

And the # 1 sign that you have bad allergies is;

Whenever you hear about a forest fire you laugh out loud uncontrollably and shout burn baby burn, pollen inferno. (another song for #7)

Have a nice allergy free day,

Greg

Achooo

As an added note, The weather channel said this was the worst year for allergies in about 10 years but they also said the worst is behind us now. I hope for once they are right,

12 comments:

Kelly Combs said...

All I can say is poor u. Feel better!

Terri Tiffany said...

I don't leave my house from now until June 1 --our rainy season--unless it is directly to my car or another building. Let those weeds grow!!!!
Get better!

Heart2Heart said...

Greg,

I would seriously doubt the worst is behind us quite yet. It's still winter in some places with snow on the grounds. I do love # 10!

I have heard when you take a shower to make sure you wipe off your eye lashes to avoid the pollen that collects there and then we rub that into our eyes.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

The Bug said...

I take Claritin every day - all year long. But my allergies are NOT as bad as yours. You win! Or lose... In fact (don't throw anything at me) Dr. M & I were talking about how this year is BETTER for us. We think it's because Cincinnati is so bad that our new town had to be better.

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

i totally get this one Greg! I have such bad allergies and right now everything is blooming in Louisiana and it makes me sick!

It is also the start of farming season and that means lots of disking which stirs up DIRT and makes me sick!

My head feels like it will explode most of the time and i pop sudafed like jellybeans.

Praying you feel better soon!

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

i totally get this one Greg! I have such bad allergies and right now everything is blooming in Louisiana and it makes me sick!

It is also the start of farming season and that means lots of disking which stirs up DIRT and makes me sick!

My head feels like it will explode most of the time and i pop sudafed like jellybeans.

Praying you feel better soon!

Lori said...

I love your top 10. LOL

Kelly Combs said...

I thought of you this morning. I had to blow my nose once after being outside alot yesterday. So I took a zyrtec.

My allergies are so bad. ;-) JUST KIDDING!

Wanda said...

Oh my....I will never again, tell someone with allergies I know how they feel!



So sorry Greg.....

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Valerie Parker Art said...

It's so nice to meet you as well! When I read this entry about your allergies...it had me in stitches...lol!! My husband has allergies just like you so when I read this, I really felt for you! I will have to tell him that he's not alone :)

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