Saturday, March 26, 2011

See why I am tired

This happened a few nights ago. And I am still trying to recover.

Well it all started with the allergy attack that I had during the day. It was one of the worst ones I can remember. My eyes were swollen, my throat, ears and even my skin itched. So I got some Benedryl and off I went to bed. Around 12:20 though it began to wear off and I was having trouble breathing. So I decided to move to the couch where I could prop myself up and maybe get some more sleep. And that’s when the craziness started.

I actually thought that I would get right back to sleep when suddenly a car passing our house honked its horn. I assumed that there was a possum or maybe a venomous duck or something like that out there so I tried to relax again. And I was relaxing again when the same thing happened; Honk Honk. And shortly after that it happened again. Well I thought to myself; enough is enough so I turned on the outside light and opened the front door and stepped out. And what to my wondering eyes should appear but 8 tiny raindeer. No sleigh just a bunch of deer. They were grazing in the front yard out near the road.

People let me tell you something from someone who knows. If there are deer on the side of the road, the last thing you want to do is honk your horn. Yes it will make them run but when they run they have two options; Run in the woods or run in the street and with my track record I know which direction they will head. Just slow down and let they stay where they were in the first place. Anyway back to my story. So I yelled at them and flashed the lights on and off a few times and they went across the street into the woods.

Finally I thought I could get some rest. And again I was about to drift off when I heard a startling sound. Thump thump……Thump thump. It sounded like someone walking on our deck. And since it was about 1 am, that isn’t a good sound.

Now when I was younger I watched a lot of scary movies and if there is one thing I learned; Never and I mean never look when you hear something scary because you really don’t want to see that is making the noise. Ok let me digress here for a second. Many years ago (like 40) I was visiting someone and sleeping in their guest room. I heard a noise early in the morning just before dawn so like a fool I slowly rose to look out the window and found myself face to face with a peeping tom and our faces were only about a foot apart. See what I mean, never look.

But the sound continued and I began thinking of my options. Option 1 was to go get my shotgun and then look out the window. But that would involve walking in front of the window and who or whatever was out there would see me and maybe “get” me. So I chose option 2 which was to go against logic and just look out the window. And that is what I did knowing full well that if I saw someone on my deck I would scream like a girl and most likely faint.

So as the sound continued, I slowly looked out the window and to my relief there wasn’t anyone on our deck. There was however a very large raccoon that was eating some leftover cat food. And he kept rocking the food bowl which was making the thumping noise. Now the window was open with only a screen between us and I shouted “get out of here” but the raccoon just looked at me and continued eating. So I went over to the door, turned on the porch light and eased the door open. This raccoon continued to eat so I clapped my hands and again shouted “get out of here”. This time he backed up a foot or so but didn’t run. At this point we were only about 4 feet apart and he was a full grown raccoon.

So I looked around for something to throw at it. I found something not too heavy and I threw it at the vermin and he ran back a few more feet. So I shut the door and tried to sleep again. But alas he came back again and I had to find something larger to throw at him. This time he ran away further but I wasn’t able to fall asleep again on the couch so I went back to bed.

Then a few minutes after I got in bed, the power went out for a few seconds but it was long enough to reset all the clocks. So I had to get up and reset my alarm. And you wonder why I am tired today. Ha. Is anyone interested in some venison or maybe a coon skin cap? I may have some for sale in the near future.

Have a great day,



The Bug said...

LOLOL - you are such a nut. And apparently you live in a wilderness wonderland :)

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

greg, seriously you are so funny. i would almost pay to hear you scream like a girl... maybe a video would ease our imagination in that area. ha!

hope you have more rest tonight. i'll pray for no deer, no racoons and no peeping toms at windows.

Kelly Combs said...

Poor Greg! You really have a time with your allergies. And all that wildlife!

Next time bring the cat food in the house...and use the electricity going out as your reason for sleeping in and being late for work.