Monday, June 18, 2007

Movies I don't care for

Are there any movies that you really don't like? I started to say hate but that is too personal and I save that for just a few people? I am not talking chick flicks that men naturally sleep through. I mean a movie that everyone around you just loves but for some reason you just seem to despise. There are two movies that just don’t do it for me. They are both Christmas movies too and maybe that is part of the problem. Christmas was always a sad time for me. I always asked for really expensive things but got things from the 5 and 10 cent store. I now realize that is all we could afford but it is too late to go back and change the past. Unless anyone would like to send me expensive gifts now. :)

Ok the two movies that I really don't like are “It’s a Wonderful Life” and a “Charley Brown Christmas”. They both have the same plot too if you look at it from a distance. For those that have never seen these movies, here is the plot: They start out making everyone really sad and then toss in a very short happy ending. No wonder they suck so many people into liking them. How can you not like them? Well I saw through their little scam from the start and I refused to be sucked in.

It is like when you are on a trip and you have to pee really really bad and there is no rest stop in sight. Finally you see a sign that says last gas for 50 miles and you know you have to stop. You pull into the little out of the way truck stop and rush to the bathroom only to find the toilet stopped up and stinking. There is water all over the floor and graffiti on the walls but you can’t wait any longer so you go. Well it is the most wonderful feeling in the world and you forget all about the pain you were in for the last hour. Well it is the same with those two movies. I do like Jimmy Stuart though so I will leave that movie alone.

I hate the Charley Brown Christmas though with a passion. It is such a sad story and the music is sad and the kids are sad and it is just sad sad sad. I want to go to the kitchen when it is on and take out a nice sharp knife and silt my wrists. The other reason I hate the movie aside from being shown at Christmas time is that everyone picks on Charlie Brown. Why is this a problem you might ask? Because I was Charlie Brown when I was growing up. I wore drab clothes, I was overweight and everyone picked on me. I hated it. Face it even his dog hates him.

I am not ready to toss the movie out though but I do believe if we made a few changes, we could improve it. The problem is there is not enough humor in the movie. Too much sad, not enough funny. I have a plan though. Have you seen one of those movies where just as the credits start to run, they tell you what happened to the characters? I think that would add some humor to the movie and also give it a little air time. It would go something like this:

Snoopy was arrested for flying his doghouse without a license. He was serving a 10 year sentence at a local dog pound but was recently released with a collar tracking device. .

Woodstock was captured by the Save the Birds Foundation and taken back to the wilds of South America. He is having trouble adapting to life in the wild without a food dish bird bath..

Lucy went on to get her degree in psychiatry. She is employed by and is the one responsible for giving out bad advice. She is in love with Dr. Phil.

Linus never could give up that security blanket. However he turned his affliction into a thriving security business.

Sally resigned herself to the quiet life in the shadows after her only claim to fame was being Charley’s little sister. She is now a librarian by day and a stripper by night

Schroeder never did become a great composer. He did however sigh up with AC/DC and plays keyboard for the band.

Peppermint Patty went on to coach women’s softball. She could never get over Marcie calling her sir and one day, out of the blue, announced that she was a lesbian. She and Marcie were soon married. Marcie still calls her sir.

Pigpen opened a janitorial service and now cleans homes for a living.

Franklin had trouble with his identity. He was never sure if he was white or black but his complexion was darker than the others. He disappeared into society and there is a rumor that he changed his name and became a famous golfer.

No one knows what happened to Rerun. Most people don’t k now who he was. I think he join another sitcom?

Charley Brown. Is still alive but living in seclusion in South Carolina. He has many psychological problems from being picked on for so many years. I hear he spends a lot of time blogging.

Have a great day


Jenny! said...

I haven't seen either of those movies and have no desire to now!

Sarah said...

ok so I am with you on hating Its a Wonderful Life. I love old movies so most people just assume I like it buttruth betold that damn movie sucks and I dont care if I keep an Angel from getting its wings by saying that.

Since we are on the topic of Christmas movies everyone loves I HATE HATE HATE the Christmas Story? I think that is what it is called where the kid gets his tongue stuck a pole. I hate it with a fiery passion. WheneverI tell people that they make it seem like I just siad I hate baby Jesus or something, but who cares the movie sucks!

Bardouble29 said...

As always my friend you make me smile as I read your blog!

evalinn said...

I hate the Lord of the Rings. I tried watching it, just because I thought it´s one of those movies I should´ve seen, but I couldn´t stay watching it, it sucked so much. It´s just a long, boring, outstretched set of romantic goo put togehter. Then when I knew there was only half an hour left I tried to just watch the end. But I couldn´t stand that either. The end sceene is over half an hour. Yuk!

Lori said...

Yes, I see your point about Charlie Brown. It does have a melancholy feeling to it. I didn't used to like It's a wonderful life, but it won me over and now it's one of my favorites. Sorry! (Maybe they show it too much on TV though.)

dawn said...

.You are to funny greg, I like Charlie Brown, The movie I despised more than anything was The Pikacu Movie from Pokemon. As I sat in the movie theater with a gazillion children who were loving it I wanted to stab myself with a very sharp object. When #2 came out I forced my husband to go and it seems the new second movie had the same effect on him

Queenie said...

Oh Greg, you make me giggle and I've never even seen the films.
I hate yes hate 'Clockwork Orange', mindless, violent, garbage!!

just me said...

I don't think I ever watched all of It's a Wonderful Life. I did like SNL's version, though. As for Charlie Brown, I have to agree. Love the theme music, Sergio Mendez and all that jazz, but I always wanted to see charlie brown beat the snot out of lucy, that bitch.

Movies that I can't stand? Anything with Batman in it. They suck. They all suck. Anyone running around looking like that for whatever reason is either going to a gay dress up party, or is a lunatic. I just don't like superhero movies. If a guy wants to play dress up, he can put on a cape and make like dracula, jump from my dresser onto my bed, and well, you can figure out the rest...;)

So, how's it hanging, charlie?

Bardouble29 said...

Your questions are posted on my blog!

Anonymous said...