Thursday, February 5, 2009

A word to the wise (wise men that is)

OK Ladies, this message is for men only. So if you are reading this, stop right now, go get your husbands or significant others, and let them read it. This important message may just change your entire relationship and will certainly bring me closer to making that Million dollars I spoke of earlier. Besides it is about Valentine's Day and I know that you aren't interested in such things.


Yes, Valentie's Day is just around the corner and don’t be fooled like I once was into believing that the statement; “let’s not get anything for each other” really means how it sounds. They say that just to test you and if you do fall for it, you failed. Failing this test is like the groundhog seeing his shadow only it means an entire year of cold if you get my drift.

Now most of us like to think "practical gifts" but Valentine,s is no time to be practical. This is the one holiday that you only get one shot at. I know a gift like this seems like the right thing to give:







But take it from me. Anything that has to do with cleaning is a big no no as far as Valentine’s day presents go.

Also on the practical side, are gifts that you yourself might get some use out of. For instance:




I know, who wouldn’t love one of those beauties but for some reason women don’t like them.


So where does that leave us? Same old same old gifts; Candy, Flowers, Cards, Teddy bear, Naming a star after her? Hmmmmm that last one gave me an idea. And since I am determined to make a Million Dollars this year, I have developed that lame idea into something super spectacular.

Let’s face it. Stars are millions of miles away, and some of them have already burned out (or so they say). That’s like giving her a burned out lightbulb for a present. You know how big that would go over. No I have a much better idea and here it is. (drum roll please)


You could name a squirrel after her. That’s right, a squirrel. Think about it. What is more cute and cuddly than a little grey squirrel? Forget about the fact that they are rodents. Look how cute this one is:



So here is how it works. You send me: not $100, not $50 but only $29.95 plus shipping and handling of course and I will name a squirrel after your loved one. In addition to naming the squirrel after her, I will send along a lovely photo like this:




But wait. You also get this certificate of authenticity.







So don’t delay. Act today. Send me money. The love you save may be your own.


No squirrels were harmed in the making of this add. Please allow one week for delivery. Void where prohibited by law. Not valid in areas where there are no squirrels. Please be kind to animals even if they are rodents. And have a great day,


Greg

PS: ladies, if you are still reading this, shame on you. But no need to thank me. Just call me Cupid.

27 comments:

Chatty Kelly said...

Um, Kelly??? The squirrel is named Kelly. REALLY!?!?! Well it does have beautiful brown eyes and thick hair, like me. So okay.

I know you can't watch videos at work, but check out this commercial when you get a chance. It's about giving the "wrong" gift - it is hysterical!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SecVCh9dg4I

Thank you for the squirrel. It was so thoughtful and the most unique gift I have ever received. You shouldn't have. REALLY.

Katherine Aucoin said...

I didn't listen...women rarely do and I kept reading and I'm appalled! =) lol

Edwina at The Picket Fence said...

You are soooooo funny, that is what I have always wanted is a squirrel named after me 'Edwina' :)thanks for dedicating this post to me, it really fits in with my post today (great minds think alike:)

Edie said...

LOL!! That was hysterical. You really do have quite the imagination. What girl could resist a guy who names a squirrel after her. Haha!!

Actually, I need that practical gift in photo #2. I wouldn't complain if I got one.

Garden Girl said...

TOO FUNNY! I too never listen. Love the observation about the stars burning out is like giving a burnt out lightbulb! LOL!
We have a HERD of squirrels already. ONLY name my honey wants to give them is GO AWAY!
Do you need some more? I can help.

Scarlet said...

A squirrel named Scarlet. Aww. :)

Patrice said...

Okay CUPID, very funny! One question, how do we know if our squirrel is not road kill somewhere> Wouldn't that be the same as a burned out start?

BTW, women never listen, and when you tell us to stop reading, that's when we will most likely read on!! He he!!

Truth4thejourney said...

This is cute. I think 3 easy installments would work better, though! LOL!

Sonya

skoots1mom said...

Before u mail out any certificates...check the spelling on 'squirrel'...hee hee

you're too funny!
I'll be curious to hear how many takers you get...

Becky said...

I have another name for you that rhymes with Cupid... teehee.

I am actually one of those weird women who would love a new vacuum but the chainsaw would be pushing it.

You are too funny!

Greg C said...

You all better hurry. The orders are rushing in. Sorry about the spelling, but I will correct it when I send you the certificate. LOL. All of your husbands are so thoughtful. You are all going to be so happy this Valentine's Day. :)

GutsyWriter said...

There's no mistake in the spelling.
A squrrel is a French word meaning, take the wife on a vacation to the Maldives for 2 weeks with champagne and hibiscus flowers on the pillow. I'm surprised none of you have heard squrrel before.

Sandy said...

hahahaha, I had to read...even though I'm of the girly persuasion, too funny....

and about the star being burnt out and the comparison to a light bulb, brilliant...

Monogram Queen said...

Cupid, nice try!

Suzanne Casamento said...

Dear Greg, you are sooo getting dumped. ;)

evelyn said...

That was hilarious!!! My family has watched squirrels with anger and then complete surrender. They are the most inventive,persistent and entertaining animals. At first we tried everything to deter them from wrecking the birdfeeders, but after a few years of defeat( for us) we sat back and enjoyed their acrobatics and determination!!!
And just yesterday there was an ad on TV about this bird feeder with a revolving bottom stand, that when the squirrel grabs on sends him off into orbit!!! A bird can land without incident. Well that video was equally hilarios. Thanks

Kelly said...

I didn't listen either, I had to read it! And I would rather have a bunny named after me :0). But for a cheaper price...
Seriously, my husband and I are usually practical when it comes to gifts...we can't help it!

B His Girl said...

Ok....I didn't follow the instructions. It was too interesting to stop. A clean up story with a chain saw going after our little Kelly's home. I knew you were going there with those items. Cupid shoot your arrow! B

Leslie said...

lol. Okay, so I had to read it! ;)
Yah, this is the one holiday not to buy us practical stuff. The one day where we actually get to feel like princesses. :) I wonder if I will get anything.......

2nd Cup of Coffee said...

Hey, Cupid. My husband, the squirrel photographer, would go for this. That's why he is NOT reading this post.

Carmen Gamble said...

I think a squirrel is a great idea! But only if it feeds me grapes and chocolate...and cleans my house. Might as well use that tail for something.

ChrisJ said...

So I'm suitably ashamed! I wouldn't mind a squirrel as long as it doesn't bite. I like most things with fur. But what I would REALLY like is a certain kind of machine listed among 'S's on my blog. If you're curious you can go and look it up. I did finally get my list posted.

Actually, we really don't celebrate Valentine's Day -- no specific reason. It's like Halloween and even the Fourth of July. If we didn't do it as children we never carried it onwards over here. Even Thanksgiving was a long time coming at our house. Once the children arrived, all that changed of course, but we were married six years before we had children and starving students before that. Having been born into war time Britain, anything that cost more than we were used to was abandoned. I still can't throw food away without a twinge of conscience.
No judgement implied -- we're just weird.

Julie said...

I didn't read it all the way, I promise....

When I was a young girl we used to play house with cut off squirrels' tails. We made little beds for them out of jewelry boxes. I know strange... I blame my older sister for introducing me to it....

Thanks for stopping by my blog and reading and commenting. I think you are the 4th man who has read and commented in a year. You are a brave soul.

Your words that you left me, blessed me.

Susan Skitt said...

LOL - I know I'm always in for a good laugh when I visit here. Oh Greg, I'm going to forward you a funny link that has this video about gift giving to wives. Guess what, it has something to do with a vaccum... (grin)!

Jamie Dawn said...

Ha, ha, tee, hee!!
My favorite animal is the sloth. Can The Reverend name a sloth after me? Well, on second thought, that may be seen as a kind of cut instead of something positive.
You idea is a good one.
Would you be willing to put tracking chips in the squirrels so we can track our namesakes?
If you find that your squirrel hasn't moved for a few hours, chances are it was hit by a car or something.
Dead squirrels will bring you some repeat business!

:-)

Pam Warden Art said...

It's quite a few days after V Day so it's safe to show this to John now. I'm still cracking up...Hello, my name is Kelly.
Thank you for the laugh, I needed that. And I'm linking you today.
Blessings,
Pam
Joshua 1:9

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