The Giant Spider Invasion (there back!!!)

Ok who remembers that movie? Did anyone other than me see it? It was back in 1975. It was about alien spiders that attack the earth. Fortunately their attack is foiled by a heroic policeman and his trusty scientist friend. The policeman was played by a very fine actor Alan Hale Jr. of Gilligan’s Island fame. You know….The skipper. And his scientist friend was played by Barbara Hale, who is known as the scream queen from the Perry Mason episodes. With an all star lineup like that, how could they go wrong? I really don’t know why this film didn’t win an Oscar. Anyway…..

This morning on my way to work, I had my eyes peeled for deer. I wasn’t about to let one of those crafty critters attack my car again. I did see a few but they know me now as the deer bumper so they stayed well clear. So I am driving under the nice big oak trees that line our road when I see it. It’s about the biggest spider I have ever seen and it is dangling by a web. I am guessing it is about 4” long. As it is hanging there, I drive into it and it makes a big thump as it hits the window. No bug guts, just a big thump. I thought my window would shatter but it didn’t. I am telling you this thing was huge and it reminded me of that movie.

So now I am continuing to drive and I start to wonder if that thing went back up in the tree after I hit it or is it attached to the roof of my car, just waiting for me to step out so it can attack my neck and leave fang marks like a vampire. Did I mention that I hate spiders? So I begin freaking out and looking at the windows for any sign that the 6” spider is out there. I slow down a bit and then make sure all the windows are rolled up tight. I turn off the AC so that it doesn’t suck the 10” spider inside. Pretty smart thinking on my part. I am concentrating so hard on this 15” spider that a deer steps out and I almost hit it. To me that would be better than being attacked by a 20” spider.

Well I don’t see any sign of him but I know he may still be on top of my car. Finally I arrive at the gym and it is time to make a break for it. I crack the door open then immediately slam it. I was hoping to fake out the 25” spider and make him show himself. Nothing happens. So I swing the door open and jump from the car. After I am away about 10 feet I turn to make sure he isn’t following me. I am guessing that he went back up into that tree but I am not letting my guard down. I know that one day soon he will again try to attack me and this time I will be ready. I am thinking of getting a concealed weapons permit so I can have a gun in my car when he does attack me again.

You see most people would think it was a coincidence that this spider fell on my car but not me. I know better. Spiders are evil and this one is out to get me. They know I don’t like them and they don’t care for me either. As I see it, it is me or the spider and I will win this battle. Ok maybe I lost the battle but I will win the war. Did I mention that I am afraid of spiders? I am more afraid of spiders than I am of the Lizard Man. Oh I need to tell you about the Lizard Man sometime.

Have a great day,
Greg